Annabella... this is YOUR Month!

While I have never seen Annabella's photo or file, I know she is from Nanning (or at least Guangxi), she is two and she has the label "developmental delay."

I believe I will know who she is this month.

I know God is faithful and He will put me in the right place at the right time... or, He will put YOU in the right place at the right time... and, somehow, her file will make it to my computer.


So, keep your eyes peeled... she's a pretty, little brown-eyed Chinese princess... our "gift" from God! Our beautiful little piece of grace... and part of her story somehow pertains to Nanning... we believe we are flying in and out of the Nanning airport and somehow she is meeting us there... she may be from another SWI in Guangxi or she may be from the Nanning SWI or foster care.

Another Emotional Day

As I wrote my inquiry specialist from our agency, my heart was broken... absolutely broken... I cried my eyes out... in just hours I had fallen in love with this little one. I wanted so much to hold her, love her and tell her Jesus loves her.

I think it was one of the hardest letters I have written, but I knew I had to release this little one to be in God's will and to receive His blessing. My blessing is coming.

Our agency is amazing. I would call Kathy my friend. But, it was hard after all that work I had done to share with Kathy that I wasn't locking this file... but instead, I was again giving another baby up. I shared with her what God had reminded me of. She was so sweet and understanding... which made it easier.

Kathy had interacted so long with me as we discussed the three girls and later just Mu Rong. She had 3 other families desperately wanting this little girls file, so I am hoping that I will help make yet another family happy today... I pray that Mu Rong will get a strong Christian family to call her own this next year.

I Prayed... He Spoke: "Be Still and Know that I am God!"

After gathering all the information on this little one from northern China... it was time to go to bed. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I wasn't stressed... it had just been a long day.

I decided though to take a bath and pray... I thought I might be more successful staying awake to pray than crawling into my bed.

I prayed and asked God to show me His will. Show me His grace and favor. Show me His "gift" to us. I remember praying that I wanted more than anything to be in HIS will... even if it meant I wouldn't bring this little one, Mu Rong, home.

And then, He began to remind me of many things... one by one... but, they were shooting out fast. If I heard Him correctly, this is what my heart was hearing... it will be very interesting once we truly know who our "gift" is... did I hear the Lord correctly? did I listen to Him or did I hear what I wanted to hear? I am human... so, I don't know. But, I can tell you one thing, it seemed very, very real.

I showed you in a vision 18 years ago you would have two girls... you even knew their height.

When you see your clocks... it has been 11:11 for years.

After gathering your bags in the Nanning airport, you turned to exit... and there a clock greeted you... it was 11:11am. I told you then that your baby would come from Nanning.

I told you in Dec. 2010 that you would have a heart baby and a developmental delay baby and they would come through Wasatch (we were already with another agency though)

I put your family on hold with that agency for 6 months so that Amaris' file would be ready.

I told you in March when you locked Giselle's file with Wasatch that "you could have Giselle, but your blessing is in June."

I took you upstairs at the EXACT time, caused you to look at your computer at the EXACT time, when Rainbow Kids posted YOUR daughter. I allowed you to know through the sweating of your hands and the rapid heart beat that this was the one... even before you saw her picture. I gave you Nanette, which means "grace and favor" because that's what you prayed for. She was given YOUR birthday so Jason would know she truly was yours. And, of course, she was with the agency you weren't even with, the agency I told you, you would be with. She is your heart baby.

You have faithfully prayed with your friend for her daughter Juliana... that she and her husband would get her file. On Friday, when your friend felt her hope might be dashed, your heart fluttered. That was Me. You told her, "I feel excitement in the air." Then you prayed that if her agency didn't get her file that I would give her file to your agency on Monday. It was not a coincidence your agency got her file. I did that for you and your friend because of your faithfulness. I love you.

On Monday, when your agency sent you all their files they got from the shared list... and only one file came through... I permitted that. I wanted you to see Juliana's file first. I wanted you to know that she was brought back to your agency to be given to your friend.

Now, I am telling you this: "Be still and know that I am God... test me now in this that I might not move the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it."

Your baby is from Nanning. She is 2 (almost 3) and she will have the label of "developmental delay." She will be your "gift". Be still and know that I am God. She is coming in November 2011.

Well... what would YOU do? I don't know why these things have been shared with me with so much clarity. I don't think I have... in fact, I know I don't have, super fancy prayers... but, I know I have the faith of a child. I recently heard someone say that a child at the age of 3 believes that they will get 100% of what they ask for from their parents, assuming they have come from a loving home. But, by age 20, that same child will believe they will get about 20% of what they hope for. Someone recently came up to me after a bible study and said, "I don't mean for this to offend you, but you have the faith of a child... you truly believe that God can do anything." I didn't know how else to respond but with the truth... "Yes, I do!"

But even with my great faith, I wanted to say, "But God, I will trade my Nanning baby for this one... I already love her..." But, I know God's plan is better than my own. I have lost three others that I have loved as much as my own daughters... it was so very hard to lose Angela, Jessica and Gracie. But, they must not have been mine. Now, I have lost Mu Rong too.

I can tell you that God has truly been faithful in our journey to Amaris and Annabella and He truly has guided our steps. I don't have any doubts He isn't going to bring me Annabella... and, maybe she will come via you, your agency, a connection... I don't know. I wish I did, but that part has not been revealed.

I do know one thing for sure... God will show Himself faithful...

I Thought I Found Her

It's Nov. 1, 2011...

In my hands I hold the files of 3 absolutely adorable girls ranging in age from 10 months to 3 1/2 years old. I am in love.

I really didn't want to choose one... I wanted all 3. How could anyone choose from the three files I narrowed down. So, I let the doctors talk. And they did. I had 4 different doctors review the files and not one had much positive to say.

As I was doing my research, I learned that another family had actually looked for one of the files that was in my hands. They had sponsored her and wanted to bring her home. I would never want to be put in that position, so I immediately gave that file up... and all the doctor's reports that I had compiled. If that was their daughter, I was thrilled to pass her on. I would want someone to do the same for me.

I had labored for the last 18 hours over these files, emails, phone calls, and probably close to 100 emails back and forth to my agency inquiry specialist, Kathy Junk of Wasatch. It was a long day... and short night... but, I was now in love.

I had mapped out where Gabriella was from, Amaris, and then the 3 potential Annabella's. I graphed everyone's statistics... I checked meanings of names, birthdates, anything I could.

By midnight, I had narrowed it down to one. I thought I found her... I stayed up past 1am to gather everyone's thoughts, my thoughts, and the important info. from her file.

I already loved this little two year old. in less than 24 hours. For those of you who have paper-chased... you understand. For those reading that never have, there isn't a way to grasp it... so, it's okay to shrug your shoulders and go on to the next paragraph.

By this time, it didn't matter what any doctor or nanny said, she was ours.

But then... it was time to go to bed... it was time to ponder everything without the computer in front of me... it was time to pray.

The Eleventh Month of 2011

It's now 11/11.

For years, each time Jason and I go to bed, we notice that the clock says 11:11pm. It didn't mean anything for the first couple months... but, after that, we thought... what the heck?

Why is this happening? Are we creatures of habit? Is our clock broken? What is it? But, it started happening during the day too. And, it no longer mattered what clock we were looking at. That, was eleven years ago.

During a game night with our best friends on 08/08/08... I began to think, wouldn't it be cool to make each year... 09/09/09 a game night, 10/10/10 a game night, etc... but, then it dawned on me... there was actually going to be not only an 11/11, but an 11/11/11 soon.

It was then, that my heart felt that this month must mean something special. Something big is going to happen. It must... it has to. Will this be the month that we find our 3rd daughter from China?

I did discover not too long ago, that God did have a Bible verse with 11:11 in it that had quite a bit of meaning to our life. I never would have imagined that we would wait for our promised babies 16 and 18 years respectively, but we did. The Bible verse in the photo now pertains to me... though I don't think of myself as old, I am now barren due to surgery... and, beyond birthing a baby even if I hadn't had surgery... and, that is when God brought us our babies.