After gathering all the information on this little one from northern China... it was time to go to bed. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I wasn't stressed... it had just been a long day.
I decided though to take a bath and pray... I thought I might be more successful staying awake to pray than crawling into my bed.
I prayed and asked God to show me His will. Show me His grace and favor. Show me His "gift" to us. I remember praying that I wanted more than anything to be in HIS will... even if it meant I wouldn't bring this little one, Mu Rong, home.
And then, He began to remind me of many things... one by one... but, they were shooting out fast. If I heard Him correctly, this is what my heart was hearing... it will be very interesting once we truly know who our "gift" is... did I hear the Lord correctly? did I listen to Him or did I hear what I wanted to hear? I am human... so, I don't know. But, I can tell you one thing, it seemed very, very real.
I showed you in a vision 18 years ago you would have two girls... you even knew their height.
When you see your clocks... it has been 11:11 for years.
After gathering your bags in the Nanning airport, you turned to exit... and there a clock greeted you... it was 11:11am. I told you then that your baby would come from Nanning.
I told you in Dec. 2010 that you would have a heart baby and a developmental delay baby and they would come through Wasatch (we were already with another agency though)
I put your family on hold with that agency for 6 months so that Amaris' file would be ready.
I told you in March when you locked Giselle's file with Wasatch that "you could have Giselle, but your blessing is in June."
I took you upstairs at the EXACT time, caused you to look at your computer at the EXACT time, when Rainbow Kids posted YOUR daughter. I allowed you to know through the sweating of your hands and the rapid heart beat that this was the one... even before you saw her picture. I gave you Nanette, which means "grace and favor" because that's what you prayed for. She was given YOUR birthday so Jason would know she truly was yours. And, of course, she was with the agency you weren't even with, the agency I told you, you would be with. She is your heart baby.
You have faithfully prayed with your friend for her daughter Juliana... that she and her husband would get her file. On Friday, when your friend felt her hope might be dashed, your heart fluttered. That was Me. You told her, "I feel excitement in the air." Then you prayed that if her agency didn't get her file that I would give her file to your agency on Monday. It was not a coincidence your agency got her file. I did that for you and your friend because of your faithfulness. I love you.
On Monday, when your agency sent you all their files they got from the shared list... and only one file came through... I permitted that. I wanted you to see Juliana's file first. I wanted you to know that she was brought back to your agency to be given to your friend.
Now, I am telling you this: "Be still and know that I am God... test me now in this that I might not move the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it."
Your baby is from Nanning. She is 2 (almost 3) and she will have the label of "developmental delay." She will be your "gift". Be still and know that I am God. She is coming in November 2011.
Well... what would YOU do? I don't know why these things have been shared with me with so much clarity. I don't think I have... in fact, I know I don't have, super fancy prayers... but, I know I have the faith of a child. I recently heard someone say that a child at the age of 3 believes that they will get 100% of what they ask for from their parents, assuming they have come from a loving home. But, by age 20, that same child will believe they will get about 20% of what they hope for. Someone recently came up to me after a bible study and said, "I don't mean for this to offend you, but you have the faith of a child... you truly believe that God can do anything." I didn't know how else to respond but with the truth... "Yes, I do!"
But even with my great faith, I wanted to say, "But God, I will trade my Nanning baby for this one... I already love her..." But, I know God's plan is better than my own. I have lost three others that I have loved as much as my own daughters... it was so very hard to lose Angela, Jessica and Gracie. But, they must not have been mine. Now, I have lost Mu Rong too.
I can tell you that God has truly been faithful in our journey to Amaris and Annabella and He truly has guided our steps. I don't have any doubts He isn't going to bring me Annabella... and, maybe she will come via you, your agency, a connection... I don't know. I wish I did, but that part has not been revealed.
I do know one thing for sure... God will show Himself faithful...
