Her File is Locked!

This afternoon, while I was playing with Gabriella, I got this email in my box. Thank you Jesus... you are SO faithful!

Monday, July 18, 2011 at 3:51pm


This is the email Kathy sent.

YOU ARE LOCKED!!! Can you hear me cheering all the way from Utah!!!! Hope this is a meaningful day in your life and if not, it will be now!!! We should have pre-approval in about a week. Take care.

Sincerely,

Kathy Junk
Wasatch Adoption Inquiries


I was never nervous, but most "locks" right now literally happen within 1 to 5 seconds, so that our "lock" on Nanette's file took 25 days, is almost unheard of.

This WAS a special day... not only because we "locked" Amaris, but because one year ago today, I got to hold Gabriella for the first time on her "Gotcha" day.

God loves special days as much as I do.

We Sent in our LOI

We sent in our Letter of Intent this morning, Friday, June 24, 2011 at 7:17am for our littlest one.

We hope to lock her file today! We have many meaningful days in June and July though, so maybe the lock will happen on one of those days. I'm really into special days. Everything for Gabriella seemed to happen on a holiday or Thursday with her adoption.

Thursdays were her specific day that Baba prayed for her.

We were chosen to be Nanette's family!

God has given us grace and favor! Actually, He literally has! Nanette's English name means grace and favor as well as her Chinese name Nan... I have been praying for grace and favor since we started our adoption journey for our next two daughters on Thanksgiving Day 2010.

While numerous families were interested, eleven family's files were held, and then it was narrowed to three families before we were chosen.

Having waited 18 years for this little one, you can imagine we were ecstatic to be chosen!

We found out at 10:10pm tonight, Thursday, June 23, 2011. Kathy works all hours of the day and night when she needs to... she is amazing. It's past 11pm for her.

I happened to count our emails between each other from the time I emailed her Tuesday night until the time she said we were chosen... 44 emails. Kathy, you are AMAZING!

Kathy shared with me that she hates to play God, but it was very clear that we were this little one's family.

Thank you Jesus for being so faithful. When I first had the vision of our daughters 18 years ago, I could have never imagined that I would wait almost as long as Abraham and Sarah waited for their promised son Isaac.

It's down to 3 families... and, we are one of them!

I got an email today. It's now Thursday, June 23, 2011 at 12:59pm.

A year ago today, my mom became unconscious due to two sudden brain aneurisms... 3 days later we let her enter Heaven's gates.

So, today is bitter sweet. I lost my mom, but I will be gaining my promised daughter. It brings me joy that my mom knew about our two babies even though she would never meet them this side of Heaven.

Kathy has narrowed her search for the perfect family for Nanette down to 3 great families. We are one of these three families.

Kathy said her heart is broken to have to choose a family. This has been her absolute most difficult placement ever in all the years she has worked. She hates to play God, but at the same time, wants to hear His will.

She will get back to us tonight or tomorrow.

I got Nanette's file!

Wednesday, June 22nd at 9:17am I got Nanette's files. Oh my... she is precious.

I opened up her files... looked at her photos and then looked at her labortory reports for any blood diseases.

She was ours!

I immediately forwarded her files to the 4 doctors I had already secured. Then, I contacted Dr. Jenista for my final report. It did not matter what any doctor would report... we knew that this was our daughter. We would keep their information though so that we could help Amaris Nanette as soon as we get her home.

I finally got to talk to Wasatch!

By some miracle... one of my emails got to Kathy. She had received them all, but she was a bit hesitant to allow our family to adopt Nanette because we had let Giselle go after we had "locked" her.

But, we only let her go because the Holy Spirit had VERY CLEARLY said, "You can have Giselle, but your blessing is in June." It was for no other reason. We were excited about Giselle, but I had to honor the Holy Spirit's clear direction.

I did mention to Kathy, that there have not been many times where I had laid my head down where He had clearly directed me to do something different from what I had just done. I could have never have known that He was going to speak to me that night.

It's Wednesday morning, 8:54am my time... Wasatch has been open for almost an hour. Kathy said she can't take any more phone calls today. She was absolutely swamped with interest in this little one.

All I could do now was send her emails. Oh God, PLEASE let Kathy see that we are Nanette's family. Ironically, I felt a total peace in my heart. I KNEW that we were Nanette's family. I waited 18 years... what's another day?

EVERYONE wants OUR baby...

I hardly slept last night, not because I was nervous, but because I was excited. I knew Nanette was our baby.

It's Wednesday morning... last night I emailed Kathy at Wasatch, I responded to the RK listing (I'm not sure who at Wasatch get that response) and I think I left a message on the phone for Wasatch, but I can't even remember that now. Excitement is in the air. My heart is still beating fast.. but, this time with great joy!

Wasatch is one hour ahead of us. They open at 9am... I'm sitting at my computer with my phone in hand. I have seen no responses yet. What if they missed my email?

I called Wasatch at 9:01am... apparently their phones have been ringing off the hook all morning... in fact, their phones were in essence jammed. Marilyn didn't know if she could get me connected to Kathy or not because Kathy was working from her home office. I wanted to jump on an airplane and tell Kathy the news in person... God gave her OUR daughter!

I explained to Marilyn what had happened to me, about my shared birthdate with Nanette, waiting 18 years for her, etc. She wanted so desperately to get me in touch with Kathy, but Kathy's phones were busy because she was so swamped with interest for this little one. She was taking one potential client at a time.

It soon became more than overwhelming for Kathy, so Kathy removed the RK listing.

She's Ours... She IS the One!

The second I saw her name, I knew she was ours... but then God SHOWED us she was ours.

MIRACLE #1
Supernatural presence of the Lord...
As written in an earlier post, I opened the Rainbow Kids listing the VERY SECOND it posted. And, when I did, I immediately had Holy Spirit goosebumps and sweaty hands... just seeing the name "Nanette".

MIRACLE #2
"Heart" baby
As Jason jumped from his computer and raced to mine... we saw the picture of a beautiful baby. To my delight... she was a "heart" baby. I had told Jason back in December 2010 that I felt God was leading us to adopt a heart baby and a baby with developmental delays.

MIRACLE #3
Born on my 40th Birthday
This baby had my same birthdate. She was born on my 40th birthday. God designed Nanette to have my birthdate so that JASON would know that this truly was the one we had been waiting for. After all, he didn't get to feel the Holy Spirit's presence when I saw the name "Nanette."

MIRACLE #4
Agency the Lord had revealed 7 months earlier
Nanette was with Wasatch... the agency I told Jason I believed God was calling us to back in December 2010. I couldn't explain it back then, I had no idea why I felt the way I did... but, he knew that there was a pretty significant chance that we would be moving agencies... he just needed another sign. Well, here it is!

MIRACLE #5
Her Chinese and American names mean: Grace and Favor 
(the only thing I really prayed for with these adoption)
While I waited to hear from Wasatch, I looked up the meaning of Nanette. We named our first two biologically children with really cool names... but, we never even thought to think about what their names meant.

With our adopted girls, it was absolutely vital we name our daughters based on meaning. We knew baby#2 was going to have the Hebrew name Amaris (Un-mare-is) which means "God has promised." God promised her 18 years ago... she was going to keep that name forever.

But, we didn't have a middle name for her, other than her full Chinese name. We still wanted to have an American middle name as well. I decided to look up Nanette. To my delight, yet another sign from God, her name means "grace and favor"... I have been praying for God's grace and favor with these next two adoptions that I might know who our little ones were.

MIRACLE #6
That hasn't happened yet... because numerous families want MY baby... but, I KNOW she is ours... so, with confidence I am speaking she is ours in Jesus name! And, miraculously, I have total peace.

I quickly emailed Kathy... and then tried to fall asleep.

Holy Spirit Goosebumps and Sweaty Hands...

June 21, 2010... the day I waited 18 years for has finally arrived.

It was a Tuesday evening... I had been scrapbooking downstairs but felt I was supposed to go upstairs... I didn't know why though. I gave my husband a kiss on the cheek, rubbed his back for 2 seconds and abruptly turned to my computer. When I did, that VERY SECOND, Rainbow Kids popped up in my email. It was 9:26pm.

Since the summer of 2009, I have checked EVERY female Rainbow Kids posting, but this one was different.

MIRACLE #1
When I clicked on it, it was a girls name... Nanette. I immediately got Holy Spirit goosebumps all over my body (from the top of my head to the tips of my toes) and my hands began to sweat profusely. It was the most phenomenal experience. My heart started to beat rapidly. It seemed like a rather long time looking at this name, but it was probably only about 3 seconds.

That 3 seconds seemed like forever... I had no idea what this girl looked like, how old she was, what her special need was, or which agency she was with, but I KNEW she was mine.

A Vision 18 Years Ago

I found our baby... our baby that was promised to my husband and I 18 years ago.

Eighteen years ago God had given me an undeniable vision of two little tan-skinned girls with dark, shoulder length hair. They appeared to be the height of the middle of my thigh and just above my waist. The taller one looked at us, smiled and turned to run in the grass behind her.

This vision of these two girls has never left my heart and I have cried THOUSANDS of tears over these years for them. I prayed for them. How in the world would we ever find them?

Throughout the years, Jason and I would talk of the two little girls. We would share with our kids as babies, then preschoolers, school-agers, junior highers, and high schoolers about their little sisters.

Jason always said, "When God brings them to my doorstep, I know they are ours!"

Well, God brought our first one, Gabriella, in a miraculous way after Jason ended up in China for two weeks. Apparently God thought it would be better if Jason went to the doors of the orphans. It was there in April 2009 that God prepared his heart to adopt.

All of our miracles to Gabriella can't even be spoken, however, if you want to read about her story, you will get a glimpse into the amazing miracles that God Almighty created for us. Many of the miracles are the very first posts on her blog... SweetPrincessGabriella.blogspot.com

This photo was taken and added to this blog on 7/19/2012... 

Amaris has been home 3 weeks... she is 2 years and 5 months old... 

Gabriella has been home 2 years... she is 5 years and 7 months old...

My vision did NOT have two sweet little princesses in matching clothes, but I did know that they had dark hair to their shoulders and tan-skin. The older girl turned and ran in the field behind her. 

If you have read Gabriella's blog, you will know that Gabriella could not even sit without falling, nor stand when we got her. She still, to date, has not taken a valid step by herself unassisted. 

But, someday soon, she will walk and talk, run and jump, hop and skip and play basketball. 

How do I know? The Lord gave me a vision now 18 years ago. And, I believe Him!

No Longer on HOLD!

It's now June 4, 2011... our family was put on "hold" for 6 months before we could continue our adoption process we started Thanksgiving Day 2010.

Has ANYONE EVER heard of such a thing? If you have been home your agencies "required" amount of time from your previous adoption, was your family then put on hold again?

Anyway, we were excited to finally get our paperwork started to bring home our daughters... it was a bit awkward, but we managed to get through the review... ironically, the social worker really didn't talk with my husband and I. She interviewed our 4 teenagers and prepared to leave.

Before she left, I asked a few questions that had been weighing heavy on my heart. But, the final question was, "Based on your visit today, would you permit our family to adopt two girls?" She said "yes"... oh, we were so relieved... maybe the 6 month hold paid off... we thought we were going to have to start the entire process over if she said no.

Still looking for our daughters

We released Giselle back to China three months into our hold time with our current agency.

Just three more months until my "blessing".

Every day, I still look for our daughters... I know that if I find them, the Holy Spirit will probably show me them in some way... but, not one litte girl grabbed my heart until the end of May.

Ironically, Wasatch got several girls that we would have been happy to bring home; however, I was careful to wait until June.

I wasn't just looking at Wasatch's girls, I was looking at them all... Love Without Boundaries, Grace and Hope for Children, New Day, and all the agencies in America that posted photos. I wanted to be open to whichever agency had Amaris, daughter #2, our promised daughter of 18 years.

The Morning After

The next morning, I awoke and called Kathy with Wasatch. I knew I could have emailed her, texted her, left a message at her home, or called her on her cell phone to talk with her. This time I felt we needed to talk on the phone.

I explained everything to Kathy... I was absolutely devastated, but I knew that I knew that I knew that the Holy Spirit had very clearly instructed me and I knew I had to obey Him if I wanted to fall under His blessing... and receive the blessing He spoke of.

It was very hard... I was very emotional. But, I knew what I had just done was the right thing to do.

I prayed over Giselle's file and her little life. Someday I hope to know who her family ends up being.

Kathy was so very gracious. I followed our call up with an email that I had been writing in my head all night.

The Holy Spirit said... LOUD and CLEAR!

Upon arriving to Las Vegas, we unpacked our bags at The Mandalay Bay, showered and got ready for bed.

It was about midnight now... and the Holy Spirit started talking to me.

He said, "You can have Giselle, but your blessing is in June." Over and over I heard it until I finally surrendered to Him.

You can imagine my heart... broken. I was so very sad. I wept thinking that I had to give up this precious little girl... another girl. I hadn't fallen in love with her, but, I would have been honored to be her forever mama. Would she ever get the chance to have a forever mama if I gave her file back? I could only pray that she does.

I agreed to call Kathy in the morning... I didn't want to give up Giselle but I KNEW the Holy Spirit had spoken to me very clearly.

One thing is for sure, when the Holy Spirit speaks, I listen. My prayer, for many, many years has always been that I will hear His voice and respond appropriately. I wasn't about to give up on HIS blessing just to do what I thought was best at the time.

I didn't know what the "blessing" in June was, but I knew it had to be pretty good if I was giving up Giselle.

Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep tonight.

We found a "new" daughter #3

Every single day since the summer of 2009, I have looked for daughters #2 and #3... I have literally seen thousands of photos of kids, I have requested multiple files, but never once had I had that supernaturally feeling or confirmation from God that "she" was the one.

I never believed I needed that confirmation with daughter #3, but I knew that God would supernaturally show me daughter #2... our promised daughter... the one we have waited now 18 years for.

So, when looking for our NEW daughter #3, I was always open to one ages 0-14... and, when Giselle's file came available March 26, 2011, Jason and I agreed we would be happy to bring her into our family. Ironically, she was from Wasatch, the agency I felt God had called us to back in December.

It ended up being a busy Saturday getting evaluations from doctors, writing our LOI (Letter of Intent) for Giselle, and packing to go see Gabriella's Chinese foster sister vacationing on holiday in Las Vegas.

Jason and I were excited to bring Giselle into our family. But, her file had to first go back to China and be re-locked for us. So it did. The next day, after Gabriella and I landed in Las Vegas, I found out we had locked her file.

It was such an exciting day.

BUT...

Jessica Was Placed in the Arms of Another Mama

I had everything to get Jessica's file, but, I needed our agency to help us. They would not.

Jessica's file never did make it on the Shared List. In February 2011, a family arrived in China to adopt their child, but chose to disrupt that adoption. Sweet little Jessica was given to this family instead. She lives in Spain now.

My heart is devastated. I don't know how people love someone so much and then have to let them go... even if the child was never in their arms. I loved little Jessica as much as my daughters Tyanna and Gabriella.

I trust you God. You know our daughters that are waiting for us in China.

Coming Under the Authority of Our Agency

Our family has been put on a 6 month "hold"... meaning, we can't do anything about our adoption for six whole months. We could leave our agency and go somewhere else, but both Jason and I felt we should come under their authority.

Though we have chosen to obey God and come under "un-named" agencies authority, we also felt like we could still LOOK for our next two daughters. Not sure if that was God... I am sure it probably wasn't; but, I really didn't want to miss my daughters if they became available... even while on "hold".

A couple weeks later, someone (unknown to me) had emailed me baby #3's Chinese name. I now had EVERYTHING I needed to get Jessica off the Shared List. Remarkably, her file was still sitting at the CCCWAA. It arrived there back in September, so this was surprising to me that she was still not on the Shared List.

Had I had an advocate, I believe that someone could have gone searching for Jessica's file. But now, I had NO advocate under our current situation for at least 6 months... unless we switched agencies.

I can't even begin to tell you how hard this was staying with our current agency and coming under their authority when now all we do is cringe when we think of them. But as sure as I was that I had heard the Holy Spirit say that we would be with Wasatch, I was also sure that the Holy Spirit had told me (actually us) to come under the authority of this agency.

I so wanted to switch agencies and bring home my two daughters before 2011. I was absolutely devastated. My heart breaks to this day for Jessica. I love her as much as I love my girls living in our home. I often wonder if we had gone with Wasatch back when the Lord revealed their agency to me, would Jessica be in my arms soon?

There were two reasons we didn't move to the new agency though... one, we had not found Amaris; and two, how does one REALLY know they heard from the Lord until it actually comes to pass? Hearing the Holy Spirit isn't a new thing to me, but at times I have doubted what I have felt I have heard. I suppose as my faith grows, I will be more sure of His voice in the coming years.

I KNOW that God will reveal Amaris to me in a miraculous way,

What can I do? This decision to come under the "un-named" agencies authority would mean we were no longer able to receive the $26,000 in tax credit money for our 2011 adoptions. While the tax credit wasn't the motivator factor to bring two babies home, that is a large chunk of money... it could have helped pay for colleges, a new car, therapies, upcoming surgeries or even re-pay us for these adoptions. UGH!

All I could think, is this. I trust God with all my heart. My prayer has always been that I will hear His voice. I KNOW I heard his voice about Wasatch, I KNOW I heard his voice about coming under this agencies authority... and, I know something good will come out of my obedience, but what? When?

Jason and I were beyond frustrated... and, deep inside we KNEW this wasn't supposed to be our agency... God had clearly shown us that just a few weeks earlier. I wish we knew right now WHY we should come under this agencies authority. What is it God? And, when will this all make sense?

The Homestudy from Hell!

Six weeks and one day after we started our paperwork for adoption #2 and #3, our social worker FINALLY came to our home to do our home study.

Because there is so much heart break with this situation, I will just leave it at that.

When she came in, we had asked her if she had read our emails over the last 6 months... she said she had not. We knew this visit couldn't possibly be good.

She had no idea that we had already found baby #3: Jessica. She had no idea that I was already in love with this little one from Xi'an. She had no idea, because she hadn't bothered to read my emails.

While we had waited SIX WEEKS AND A DAY for our social worker to arrive, we did not hear from her for another EIGHTEEN MORE DAYS. Someone needs a new career.

Long story short, our agency made a three-way call to us... Jason was at work, I was at home. We were excited for the call because we were sure they had found Jessica's file... but, that wouldn't be the case. In fact, they actually called us to tell us they were putting our ADOPTIONS ON HOLD for SIX MONTHS.

This news was not only devastating, it was EXTREMELY frustrating. We were furious. This was perhaps the first time in our almost twenty years of marriage that we had together felt this way about something.

Why in the world would OUR FAMILY be put on hold?

We knew we were ready in every way despite all the changes from the last six months. We also knew, that these adoptions wouldn't be taking place for another 12 months minimum.

Interestingly though, the Holy Spirit spoke to both of our hearts. He spoke identical words. So, we KNEW it was from the Lord. And though, in the natural we wanted to leave this agency even more then ever, we chose to obey the Holy Spirit. He said, "Come under (un-named agencies) authority."

We agreed to do this. Our adoption paperwork is now on hold for the next six months.

I Found Baby #3

I found baby #3. Yes, I did say baby #3... we have yet to find Amaris, baby #2, but I believe that God is going to show me my promised baby in a supernatural way. What an exciting day that will be. I have waited for Amaris( Uh-mare-is). We chose this Hebrew name because it means "God has promised." I will share this story in another post.

As for baby #3, her name is Jessica. I have spent over 100 hours researching information on her, her special need (heart condition), and everyone that may have visited her in Xi'an.

I found her the week of her 2nd birthday. Within days, I knew everything about her with the help of a Facebook friend, and people who were friends of friends. Yep, I contacted everyone that had visited her foster home. I had multiple pictures of her and had already fallen deeply in love with her. I already loved Jessica as much as my 16 and almost 4 year old daughters.

The only thing I couldn't seem to get, no matter what I tried, was her Chinese name. But, I really didn't need it, I was sure I had her file photo... and, with the information I had, I was 100% sure someone could find her at the CCCWA.

I shared this information with our current agency and social worker, but our agency wanted me to wait until our social worker arrived to our home. It should be just another week or so. Oh, it seems like FOREVER!

We Chose our Agency, but God Chose a Different One

Thanksgiving Day 2010

While I had 3 agencies in mind for our next two adoptions, I really had no sense from the Lord where He was directing us.

Would we go with our agency that helped us bring Gabriella home? Would we go with Madison which is one of the only agencies right now helping families to bring two children home at a time, or would we go with a smaller agency that I had built a great relationship with over the last 3 months.

Because there were no feelings any way, we decided to go with the familiar, an agency that we had worked with in the past. On Thanksgiving Day, we started our paperwork for adoptions #2 and #3.

Within 3 weeks working with this agency, nothing seemed to be going right and a feeling of anxiousness was coming over both of us... not about the adoptions, but about our choice in our agency.

But, even if that hadn't happened, I was already getting the sense that God was clearly directing me to a totally different agency, even different from the three I had placed in my mind as logical choices.

I KNEW that I had heard from the Holy Spirit because I knew NOTHING about this agency and had only heard the name a handful of times. But, not only that, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me that we would have a "heart" baby and a "developmental delay" baby. These thoughts were so real, but I knew they hadn't come from me. When I went to google Wasatch, interestingly enough, I couldn't find ANY information on this agency.

I prayed for wisdom and told Jason not to be surprised if our daughter(s) end up with Wasatch. He thought we should just switch agencies now, especially since EVERYTHING seemed to be going wrong with our current agency, but for some reason, I didn't want to move until God directed me further.